http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl6i3XvomzE&feature=player_embedded

My testimony. God's story. God's Glory.

weakness

"But he said, ' My grace is sufficient for you: my power is made perfect in your weakness' ..."

2 Corinthians 12:9

My soul, wait silently for God alone,

For my expectation is from Him.

6 

He only is my rock and my salvation;

He is my defense;

I shall not be moved

Psalm 62:5-6 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

"The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship."
Psalm 19:1

misunderstood or maybe just mistaken,

but never sorry for that day.

When I let him go.

I fell to my knees and praying for peace.

To me he had to suffer for my mistake,

Deep somewhere under all those memories we made,

I knew he couldn't stay

Was it weakness or strength that made me turn away...

I can't wish away the pain, I am the only one to blame

Hearts crack before they break

Cracked by the weight of all the memories that told me he couldn't stay

Why look for value in a man who will never love you the right way.

I know now am not my own to just give away

Now I have to live with the pain

 and explain to others why he couldn't stay.

But take it from me sweet one 

Its worth the wait.

I now have peace about that dark day. 

Humbled I confess

who I am, I am that wretch

Down on my knees 

I say once more,

Be with me my blessed Lord

My brokenness I cannot hide

weaknesses become my greatest pride

now marked by you in all I do 

be glorified, Lord take my life

Your promises I don't deserve 

My value is now found in your infinite worth 

Draw me close, close to your side

nowhere else satisfies

Praise you, for my emptiness 

you know how long it took me to confess

My way is empty a vain pursuit

to put anything else before you

Here and now, everyday renew my sight

show me your way, I seek your light

You paid my debt with the greatest price

forevermore Lord use my life 

                                       No guilt in life, no fear in death,
                                                This is the power of Christ in me;
                                                From life's first cry to final breath.
                                                Jesus commands my destiny.
                                          No power of hell, no scheme of man,
                                                Can ever pluck me from His hand;
                                                Till He returns or calls me home,
                                                Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

obedience

If you know me at all you know I LOVE HISTORY. Seriously, it's so cool. A few years ago my family did the whole tourism thing in Washington DC.  I remember a one particularly beautiful exhibit; we put on the nerdy head phones and strolled around just reminiscing and learning about times past. I was in such awe of the well preserved beautiful relics. It was so surreal not the objects itself but what they had been through rich history oozed from them making the past almost tangible.

            After accepting the precious gift of grace, we now are a new creation. A creation with a purpose no longer our own, we exist solely for the glory of God. We are living exhibits of eternal love.  We are all living and walking displays of the power of the living God. This is why once we become a Christian we are called to a life of obedience, a life of holiness. We can not live recklessly guided by our ever changing emotions!  Obedience is an outward reflection of inward change. Jesus changed your life? Good, live it! Does your life look normal? Jesus didn’t die for us to live normally. Hear me out.  I am not saying sell all your possessions and move to a third world country…which is great if that's what you are called to do, but most of us just need to strive for a life continually growing in Jesus where we are planted. 

As a Christian, there will never be a point where you wake up and go shoot dang, I have arrived!! 
 I’ve made it with the most awesome job, the kids, the husband everything I want wow. How awesome this is the life. NOO this does not happen. Our hearts are always looking to worship something and if it isn’t Jesus it will be something. Ourselves, others, relationships, careers, people, family. It is a long obedience.

When we become saved there are four things our lives become.

A gift from the lord

A temptation to sin

A responsibility to the lord as His stewards

A threat to our identity in Christ .

Love is a gift and obedience is a reaction, an outward sign of inward change. Personally this concept took me longer than I’d care to admit to learn and honestly its still a huge work in progress. 

Oh to be like You 

Give all I have just to know You

Jesus, there's no one besides You

Forever the hope in my heart 

As Christians,  we have something so special so unique so organic and rare it can never be stolen. This is hope.  On a not so awesome day, I sometimes wish I could just jump in to Abba’s arms and nussle my face in his shoulder and use his robes to dry my moist eyes. I call this moment God hug moments. Its one of true humility and yearning for comfort, when you know you weren’t made for this world because nothing truly satisfies.

            If you do not feel the need for a savior, then you are your own hope. You are your own savior. It is up to you to understand the world and make your own peace and if you mess up welp, better luck next time.

            How discouraging! Being young is difficult in the way that we are expected to be a hope for the generation to come. Yeah no pressure.  But how can a generation of broken people offer peace and healing? The misconception culture tries to sell us is that if all of us collaborate together we can bring good in the world.  No really, you are hurt and broken just be okay just heal your own scars and be your own healer and when you can’t buy our product. (consumerism is a topic for a different day)   What if WE ALL FAIL? What do we do then?

With hope also comes honesty. We can’t hold on to hope if we don’t think we need it outside of ourselves. You see I truly believe as Christians we sweep things under the rug and say Jesus take it without dealing with the issue. We do ourselves a HUGE disfavor we are really saying that, “yeah God you are big, but you aren’t big enough to cover all of my sins well maybe some but not that really ugly one hidden in the depths of my heart” Oh how you miss out on the JOY that is promised. The last word of the passage is reconciliation You have been reconciled to the savior of the universe and he will stop at NOTHING to make sure you are completely devoted to him in every area of your life.

Joy is a result of hope.. Do not put your hope in things that will only leave you void! They will suck up all your joy  in your soul like a vacuum! I pray that you find daily JOY in the hope of the glory of God,  rejoice in the suffering, and rejoice in his glorious gift of grace

Choose Joy. 

Security Check

The more I talk to young women the more I run across the topic of security. Security of a future, job, relationships, family, career whatever the case maybe. But security in something. I had a friend who recently lost a huge portion of her security in life and was describing the void and pain it brought her. The pain made it hard to be herself amidst the brokenness and insecurity. It was a situation beyond her control.  She lamented the fact that a majority of her Christian friends were telling her nonchalantly to pray about it and give it to God.  

While that advice is true, I couldn’t help but think. God already has it…he doesn’t need us to give him anything.  Nothing we have could bring God anymore happiness than he already has. But what God does want is to be our security. He will take anything away that breeds a false sense of security, leaving us feeling hurt and broken which is just a portrayal of how we already look to Abba. 

If we think we have it all together we are sadly mistaken. I have made this mistake several times. Gripping and grasping and what I think will bring me happiness when instead I am worshiping the created rather than the Creator. In my friends case the Lord tore her down to rock bottom to understand that Christ has to be her Rock.

Revelation 3:17 You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.”

This is our CONSTANT spiritual condition. But often times we forget how broken we truly are! As my friend kept pouring out her heart to me, I thought man this is such  an opportunity to grow! 

Just like we grow physically we also grow spiritually. During this season of her life and she is learning to grow in security in the Lord. It is a daily heart check. 

C.S lewis states that our hearts are Idol making factories. If the Lord isn’t our God daily our hearts will find something else to worship. This is why God uses broken people. Broken people realize their NEED.

 If you don’t recognize your sickness you don’t get to see the doctor. God is a healer of the broken. But this requires the Holy Spirits conviction for your sin. Repentance is key. When we go through dry spells as Christians we often feel far away from God he is not our security, he is our emotional peace. This is sometimes because we forget to repent daily of our sins. Repentance is not easy. But we cannot accept the cure if we don’t accept the diagnosis. The diagnosis is sin is our personal cancer. Knawwing on every ounce of effort and good thing we have.

 We can’t understand the depths of the security the Lord has for us until we understand the depth of our own need and desperation!  The Lord is the ultimate security and sometimes I just long to throw myself into his loving embrace and rest in his loving strength and peace. Knowing he is near is enough. How often we forget God is always near us! I pray so dearly that you rest in his nearness and find your security in it. 

Take a few minutes to read what God says about it. 

Soul Food.

Psalm 40:2

Psalm 16:8

Eph1:13

Psalm 46:1

Isaiah 52: 13

Hebrews 13:8

Wretched

Wretched creature that I am

Guided by emotions which deceive and enslave

Pure, organic desires turned dark and twisted

Remorse is a long lost friend

One who haunts and lingers when my desires run rampant

 I have distanced myself

He would not recognize me anymore

Ignoring his guilt, shame

I cover myself with my own remedy

One which heals at night, but diminishes at dawn

For what sin can light not hide?

Wretched creature that I am

Have I forgotten that the dawn reaches every crevice and crack in my soul?

Every unspoken word, silent thought

Oh, how I have missed you remorse!

But Please do not come alone, my soul is spacious

Bring conviction and change of heart

A heart which proclaims repentance

Beats of  forgiveness

Wretched creature that I am who can save?

But You Mighty one,

You exchange my wretchedness for worth

Oh, how have I found favor in the eyes of the one who made the skies?!

 how I love grace.

Grace to save the wretch like me.

Conquerors

Greek: Hupernikao

Definition : Prevail mightily, Surpassing victory

Romans 8:28

               

           God fights for you. Everyday he fights for your attention. Be real: its not going to look normal to the world. True faith in the Lord is going to be so HARD. It involves complete surrender of yourself daily. Are you ready for this?  It is going to expose all of your insecurities. Then it will push you WAY out of your comfort zone.

You have been given ground by God to stand and be a beacon of light for him. It is such a privilege.  Don’t confine yourself through sin and insecurity which has no place for those who love Jesus.

This means fighting for God too. Finding time daily to meet with Him, talk with him, study his word. How are you supposed to defend your faith if you aren’t willing to grow in it? The only truth in the world is that of the Gospel. Stand on it. Build your life on it.  You have a God who shuts the mouths of lions and conquered kingdoms reigning over your life and loves you. Do not be disheartened by the brokenness of this world. The devil will try to make the mediocre look normal and beautiful. But it is not fulfilling it leaves you craving more and never satisfied.  Too cruel and too true.

We say we trust God with our insecurities but are we vulnerable enough to live it? 

Softly and Tenderly

Softly and tenderly

Softly and tenderly you speak to me

A still small voice  carries farther than the loudest cry

Cries of fear, failure, disappointment

Hot tears flood my eyes and cloud my vision of your glorious skies

The skies that prove that life does indeed go on,

For you stand outside of time, space and circumstance

With the same soft and tender voice

You  gently lift my forlorn spirit from its anguish and self inflicted pain

Lungs once filled with feathers now evenly expand and fill with life

Not my life, but a chance to live life outside myself.

Outside my insecurities, internal boundaries…they all crumple.

When I realized my whole life I was fighting for a fist full of air

A vain empty pursuit, now that I’ve met you.

You who fling sanguine sunsets over oceans.

Make mountains with a mere thought,

Dangle the moon above my worries and dazzle my heart with your stars.

The flowers  invite me to dance with them as they sway perfectly to the rhythm of your love

You are all I want. Help me remember that when you are all I need.

Softly tenderly love me for the rest of my life. 

Promises Kept

Sometimes you gotta reach rock bottom to understand that Christ needs to be the Rock you build your life upon. Yup. I've been there.

 As most young adults, I long for security. In my future, friendships, careers, and in this weird- awkward transition into adulthood, it is so easy to buy into the security that the world offers if we are not rooted deeply in the word of the Lord. When the lies of the world crumble around us it can be a terrifying experience especially if we have built our lives upon them. Swallowed up and spit out by the world drying up all of our hopes and dreams. 

This is why it is so incredibly important that as young men and women we build our lives on the promises of God; first and foremost being the Bible. Leaving our past behind but not forgetting what we learned and building our lives on TRUTH. Sometimes I get so consumed in the planning of my life I’ll wake up in the morning praising Jesus, but by noon I am wrapped up in my own agenda.

When I was a naïve young, freshman in college, I thought I had my future completely set, (not saying that I have everything perfect now ha, thats a joke)  But then, I met a man who loved me more than anything, was accepted into the program of my choice in university everything seemed to be going swimmingly. So I prayed a prayer I have written to this day saying, God I want to serve you the best way possible, if that means taking everything do it, I don’t care I just want you!!

            Okay, heed to those who pray for that, God will take it. And he took it and more, friendships, my career of choice, the man who I thought loved me. Yup, God answered and I was not too happy about it. I was going to take on the world alone. I had nothing, but I still had faith that God had a plan, so I began to think. God, you promise me yourself and you are good, therefore you promise me good! I don’t see ANY good in my life but you promise it in the Bible so I am going to find it and take you up on it! Thus, began my journey into the Holy World of God in pursuit of the promises he mercifully makes to broken people. I delved head first into the word like my life depended upon it, honestly I needed it to function still do. I wouldn’t wish that situation on anybody but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.. These are a few of the promises I leaned on during that crucial time in my life. I saw it as pain in my life but I look back now and know that I was just growing in Jesus. They were Growing Pains.

  

These promises have me so hope and encouragement I hope they do the same for you!! :) 

Discouragement 

Proverbs 19:21

Proverbs 3:5-7

Joshua 23: 14

Courage

 Genesis 14:7

Joshua 10:42

2 Chronicles 13:18

Trust

Hebrews 10:18-35

Hope/ Joy

James 1:2-4

Romans 5:1-11

Security

Psalm 40:2

Psalm16:8

Eph 1:13

Psalm 46:1

Isaiah 52:13

Hebrews 13:8

I hear the Savior say 

Thy strenght indeed is small

 child of weakness watch and pray 

Find in me Thine ALL in ALL